Have you ever had one of those mornings you wake up and actually cringe at the thought of your previous evening? I like to keep these mornings few and far between. When they do show up, though, it’s nice to think about all the other worst-case scenarios that offer the friendly reminder, “well at least I’m not that guy.”
Recently, I heard a story about a fellow Greenpointer that has become a comfort on any mortifying morning I might awake to. As a writer, I consider it my civic duty to impart this story upon you.
The deal breaker. Whether you have been dating for one week or one year the definition of a deal breaker varies from person to person. For some, it may be that moment when he/she farted on your first sleepover, others it may be the ultimate intolerance of perpetual halitosis or, according to urban dictionary, “The act of firmly yet romantically cramming your entire fist into your significant others cornhole… a distant cousin of the shocker.” No matter the specifics, a deal breaker is a deal breaker and its up to each individual to decide what they can live with and what they can live without.
Here are a few of mine:
1. Getting Lanced:
My boss was sick of me having nothing to contribute to Monday morning dating debriefs so she took it upon herself to set me up with her friend – after our date he said he was headed out on a bike trip for a week out west and asked if we could get together when he got back. The next day I received a heartbreaking picture message – him in full on Lance gear…padded bike spandies, helmet, fingerless gloves…I’m now suspicious he doesn’t have any testis either.
2. Bad Texter:
A friend of mine took me to an amazing art exhibit on the opening night at Milk Studios. The artist was an attractive Frenchman who was acquaintances with said friend. A few days later, the artist had asked about me and he wisely slipped him my number. I guess the trouble started when his message contained 5 smiley faces in a two sentence exchange.. and continually referring to me as “Merry”… REPEATEDLY in each message even after correcting him – “Oh, my name is MEDDY.” Nonetheless I moved forward and we decided on a date…until 4am I received the below message (mind you this IS abbreviated):
“Thank you Merry (smiley face) Indeed. lot of things are happening in the same time. and keep happening..very interesting. means a lot. amazing signs. timing being a sign as well, or interpreted as one, if you need a sign (winky face)! ….do I need signs ? sure always, ying yang confidence and doubts…signs, no ? sorry. strong green.. lol…ok i ll keep it !(smiley face) hum. seriously…. for tomorrow…i was thinking… you already attended my show… enough it s too much on me…no? (smiley face) yes…i feel it that way…i totally forgot that talk… finally and overall i would have a great excuse to live right after the talk…”
3. The Bed Wetter:
It’s funny how an old flame can draw you in even after so many years. For me, it was the college jock. Of all the potentials in my life, I’d say I gave this one (hands down the least deserving) the most time of day. Why you ask? I have no idea. He was a soccer player and I’d had a crush on him since sophomore year. After years of back and forth flirtations we finally met up after college. Naturally, I thought it was going to be monumental–Oh how wrong I was. In the middle of the night I felt something seep through the sheets… “F#*&!!!!!!! You’re pissing!” I then received the response of “No, I’m not–go back to bed”. In retrospect, it wasn’t the piss that bothered me as much as his mortification-turned-dick-headedness. He pointed me to the next cab and I was out the door. Deal breaker.
Please share your deal breakers in the comments section.
Boutique’s along Franklin St are packed with great buys that will get you through the worst of winter and well into spring. Check out some of our favorite merch, all currently available in stores (and some online). Happy shopping!
Five women in Bushwick have been attacked in the past week. The attacker is tall, medium build, Hispanic, wearing a hooded jacket. He grabs the women in the dark from behind and slams them against a building wall, covering their mouths so they can’t scream. He has attacked several women on Knickerbocker Ave., on White St, Bushwick Ave, & Moore St (near Roberta’s). We only know of 5 women attacked so far, but the actual number is quite possibly much higher.
There is nothing in the news or the police blotter so please help spread the word to keep you and your loved ones safe & do not travel alone in Bushwick after dark.
I also just heard about an attack on Wythe & N11th last week…we may have a loose cannon on our hands, thought you’d want to know & get the word out.
I forwarded the information to Bushwick Daily’s Katarina who reported that NYPD said, “there were no sexual crimes reported in Bushwick in the past week, which however doesn’t exclude other violent crimes.”
Bushwick Daily’s Advice: Call Brooklyn Bike Patrol if you are not feeling safe at 718-744-7592, they will escort you home.
Will keep you posted as we find out more information.
There will be a line down the block and it will be a total shit show. You might have a panic attack. That being said there are some crazy fun things to find at this sample sale. Last year I got my lawn ornament flamingo that lives in my kitchen and for reasons unknown to me I always refer to it as a swan. Now I have a lawn ornament flamingo tattoo! They are friends.
I will see you there, literally because the warehouse is right across from my apartment. Have fun and let me know what you get!
Fred Flare Sample Sale
Saturday September 8th, 11AM – 5PM (RAIN OR SHINE!)
300 Kingsland Ave (btwn Nassau Ave and Norman Ave)
Right next to White Dream, the storefront on Manhattan Ave that gives me the giggles every time, is another awning that simply says Nails. I walked in and knew this was the place where I would do it: the infamous and controversial gel manicure.
A manicure that lasts for two weeks and doesn’t chip? Sound too good to be true? Lots of ladies rave about it. Others are concerned it’s bad for your nails and your health. When I asked my platonic wife Julie to take the plunge with me, here is what she said:
Jules: I totally want, but we (the Jewish mother convention on the Upper West Side) had a long table discussion about it’s many pitfalls and now I’m scared.
Jules: They strip your nails and take forever to recover! As in never the same again. The UV light causes cancer! One woman went to the hospital with 2nd degree burns…All together “not worth it” was the consensus.
Jen: That sounds like an overreaction!
Jules: We’re Jewish!
Fair enough. Every girl needs a Jewish mom to worry about their health and nail safety. But they look so glossy and perfect!
You might just walk by Jennifer Day Spa on Nassau near Manhattan, but after Blue Angel Day Spa, which has an internet cafe, an espresso machine and a juice bar turned me do saying they were booked all weekend, I carried on and was happy to discover this hidden gem. It isn’t your regular mani-pedi joint, they have a lot of other services, and rather than blaring lights and rows of nail technicians with those amazing painted claw posters, it was quiet and calming with a couch facing a mantle with a big TV overhead. Calming at first.
Sara greeted me, the sweetest older lady. She was trying to give me color choice advise, “Birght color, bright weather!” My indecision annoyed her, but her frustration was adorable. “Whatever color you want. This pink or that pink. Whatever color you want.” She began by giving me a really great pedicure with a strange interrogation light hanging above us. The experience would have been relaxing had the television not been playing episode of Animal Cops. After she saw me crying she got upset too and said “Animals give people happiness, the don’t ask anything.”
Have you tried a gel manicure? Sara was all over it, saying it lasts two weeks. But at $25 just for the manicure I passed.
The manicure she gave me was very nice. The whole package is on the higher priced end for the area, at $25 for a manicure and pedicure, but the place was lovely, quiet and very clean.
Who is Jennifer? I asked.
“That’s Jennifer” said pointing to little sleeping creepily breathing stuffed dog curled in the corner.
I will definitely be back.
Quality of mani/ped: 4/5
Local Banter: 3/5
Variety of colors: 3/5
Bonus Massage: 2 bonus points – 0/2
Ladies, the warm weather is here and soon you’ll be breaking out the strappy sandals and peep toe shoes. That means getting your mani/pedis did at your local nail salon.
Someone once told me they know I’m from Queens because I am aware of where ALL the nails salons are in the hood. There are almost as many nail salons in Greenpoint as there are liquor stores!
What is important to you? Secret razor society? Location? Price? Cleanliness? Color Variety? Friendliness?
Greenpointers is going on a Nail Salon Tour of Greenpoint and scoring each location based on the following guidelines:
Cleanliness: 0/5 Friendliness: 0/5 Quality of mani/ped: 0/5 Value: 0/5 Local Banter: 0/5 Variety of colors: 0/5 Bonus Massage: 2 bonus points
I started out at my usual spot: Marvelous Nails on Manhattan Ave. At $18, it’s a pretty great deal for a mani-pedi. The nail techs are really nice. And the local banter is priceless. Whether teenagers are getting ready for prom or Grandmas are price shopping for paper towels, I don’t need to read the gossip magazines to keep entertained.
March 19 – March 24 SPRING PROMOTION @ GRACE DAY SPA in Greenpoint
~ UP TO 80% OFF LASER HAIR REMOVAL TREATMENTS.
Four different packages to choose from:
A) FULL BODY – legs, stomach, brazilian bikini, arms, under arms and face = REG PRICE $5659 – 6 LASER REMOVAL TREATMENTS, ON SALE RIGHT NOW for $1199 (4 packages available),
B) BIGGER AREAS (You may choose one part of your body) – half legs, brazilian bikini, the whole back or arms = REG. PRICE $975 for 6 LASER REMOVAL TREATMENTS, ON SALE RIGHT NOW for $360 (6 packages available),
C) MEDIUM AREAS (You may choose one part of your body) – under arms, bikini lines, neck, stomach, face or chest = REG. PRICE $780 for 6 LASER REMOVAL TREATMENTS, ON SALE RIGHT NOW for $280 (8 packages available)
D) SMALL AREAS (You may choose one part of your body) – upper lips, chin, sideburns = REG.PRICE $199 for 6 LASER REMOVAL TREATMENTS ON SALE NOW for $99 (15 packages available).
If you are interested send an e-mail to promocja4u (at) gmail.com. Let us know which package you are interested in (A< B< C or D), include your full name, email address, phone number so we can contact you ASAP to book a package for you.