When you get your veggies this morning at the Green Market, it will be hard to miss the runners competing in the McCarren Park Track Classic, but take a closer look and you might run into this guy, the Wandering Tortoise Messenger, who provides word of mouth messenger services. Before you start making fun of him and calling him a hipster, remember that hipsters are too cool to wear turtle hats.

In this day and age, when everyone is hunched over their cell phones walking into telephone polls, this guys is willing, like a taxi, to transport your message to any borough in New York City. The best part is he doesn’t take cash, only trades. That day he scored a trade for eggs and bread. Not too shabby. At the Green Market, that could easily run $15.

My brain started to run through all the possibilities. Dirty Talk? Marriage proposals? Make-ups? Break-ups? Divorce? Cursing someone out? Tell me! The service is confidential, but without revealing a name, he said he delivered a rental agreement from a tenant to landlord. That is a pretty strange way to tell your new landlord your moving in.

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