This article made possible by a donation to the Writer’s Fund by Raised By Wolves.

For some reason Valentine’s Day makes everything awkward – the flowers, the chocolate, the “any plans later?” question that becomes impossible to avoid. Somehow plans which on any other given day would be totally normal now insinuate that of all the things I could be doing and all the people I could be seeing I have chosen to spend this one day of love with you and therefore — don’t fuck it up. Single or taken some of you may have met your demise while others may be nursing a chocolate undies hangover.

That being said, here are a few lines from the people still fighting the good fight:

Name: Jerid
Location: Grumpy’s
(Attractive girl walks in and orders an espresso, barista asks single or a double she answers single)
Jerid: “So now that we’ve had coffee when can we do dinner?”

Name: Maggie
Location: The Gutter
Line: “Hey someone farted, lets get out of here…”
Response: “Ew.. Really?”


Name: Jenna
Location: Lulu’s
Line: “Hi. The voices in my head told me to come talk to you.”
Response: “Sorry?”

Name: Ivan
Location: Manhattan Inn
Line: “Excuse me, this will only take a minute… I just need a woman’s perspective on something.”
Response: (next morning) “Milk with your coffee?”

Leave a comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *