It’s you’re every Fridayafter work happy hour at Broken Land and that hit-the-spot Pina Colada (yes, Tiki drinks are in) is mixing with that it’s the weekend feeling. The last of your crew arrives and the plan is to grab a slice at Franklin Pizza then head to 67 West to check out a few openings.
As you sprinkle the garlic power onto your slice (too much garlic powder) and begin to set it down on the counter, you instead put it into the hands of a stranger – a smoking hot stranger. You lock eyes for a moment. You both seem to understand each other’s mutual love for late night garlic breath make out sessions. (There aren’t many of you.) You think I may have met “the one.” You get tunnel vision and can see the entire universe expanding before your eyes. Then someone grabs your arm abruptly and drags you onto Franklin St.
“Eat and walk. Eat and walk,” your friend says.
“But…” you say as you look back at “the one” while shoving the slice into your mouth.
“Did that Pina Colada go to your head?” your friend says, “Back to reality.”
At the Fowler opening, the show statement for “Life of the Party” seems to have a message in it specifically for you. “Everyone wants to be the life of the party, but most of us also grapple with the need to be apart from the group, either in search of solitude or for the purpose of breaking new ground …”
You look around and realize you know every single person in the room – dated a few of them, even. This is reality. This is why you aren’t meeting new people. It isn’t your garlic breath that is holding you back, it’s that you travel with the same circle of friends to the same places. They are great people, but you long for new connections. You came to NYC to meet new people, but where is everybody? It seems like everyone is running around as busy as you and even when those magical moments happen, you are torn away.
Garlic dream lover wasn’t a random subway creep or an online fling but a real person and you want to reconnect – but how? Of course, there is an app for that.
Happn, a new app created in Paris, helps you meet people you’ve chanced upon in real life, be it at Transmitter Park while admiring the skyline, digging through vinyl at Record Grouch or eating a Donut Ice Cream Sandwich at Peter Pan (yes, heaven).
It uses your smartphone’s GPS to locate potential matches, real people who may be into the same things you are. Whenever you crosses someone’s path who also uses the app, his or her profile is added to the top of your feed.
If you’re interested you tap on the profile and start interacting with a simple “like” or a self-assured “charm.” If there is a mutual match in “likes,” you can start chatting. The interactions are based on reciprocity, and you will not receive messages from someone you’re not interested in.
Happn is safe and confidential. Your location is not saved and remains completely invisible to other members (only the position of where two people have passed each other is registered). Happn will never post anything on your Facebook feed, and if a profile no longer interests you, you can decide to never cross paths again. If only it was that simple in real life! You can report any unwanted behavior or block a profile by flagging it.
The app is already really popular in Europe, and you can use it when you travel! It is works on iPhones and Androids. Open it everyday to see a world of potential matches in Greenpoint or beyond. Reconnecting was hard to do, but not anymore with Happn.
When your children come in from a long day scavenging for food in the irradiated exurbs and ask for a story while the family is gathered around the meager rubbage fire in the gunshot-punctuated evening, what better one to share than the tale of how you and your partner were first brought together by the barely-functioning totalitarian state?
This is the fairytale romance that you live as a member of the audience at Future Mate, a participatory theater experience that sets you in a wonderfully awkward dating event thrown by a comically despotic government organization seeking to unite the few remaining fertile singles of a fractured world. Continue reading →
The NY Post, the most trusted source in local news, let us in on some super serious scientific data over the weekend, which proves that Brooklyn women are the pickiest daters in the country. Why? Well, it’s obvious that the men of this borough are the worst, according to two women who were disappointed by their online dates.
This data was culled from AYI.com, a dating app (has anyone used it? anyone?), which supposedly analyzed nearly half a million online dating interactions and found that Brooklyn women were the least likely to respond to messages from suitors. This online report is actually a blog post that links only to the dating site itself, so just to clarify, none of this data is actually visible, and therefore, it’s safe to assume that it is 100% accurate.
To investigate, the Post “ventured into the land of hipsters and artisinal pickles to speak to local women about why plaid shirts and scruffy beards are no longer cutting it.” After conversing with one girl in Bushwick and one in Williamsburg, this reporter concluded that online dating is difficult, because there are a lot of dumb people on the internet who only want sex. WHAT? I thought only wealthy, PhD students used AYI.com! EVERYTHING IS A LIE!
It will no doubt shock and amaze you all to learn that, yes, I’m still single and looking. This being well known among the Greenpointers staff, when we were approached by Christine Hooker, the energetic dating impresario behind improve-your-online-profile service Artful Online Dating, the debate over who would pick up the story was therefore short. Clearly, it was time for my unique predilection for over-sharing to shine.
When Christine arrived, wine in hand, it was clear that the process of doing a little spring cleaning on the OKCupid profile was going to be neither formal nor arduous. Christine has a definite presence (and, yes, a volume level) that fills a room and immediately sets a friendly and conspiratorial tone for her sessions. The basics of her service have been well covered in other articles and on her website, so I won’t go back over them except to say that her base service, which essentially amounts to a conscientious read-over by a neutral third party, is certainly useful but nowhere near as much fun as the slightly pricier options that include a face-to-face session. While talking to her, it became clear why she’s such a good match for this business: she loves the process and pageantry inherent in online dating and, by being so excited about it, makes you forget how soul-crushing and alienating it can seem. A few minutes in, you’re loving it as much as she is.
So what exactly does Christine do? Through helping you to understand the unique aspects of the online medium – the fact that, unlike in a bar/party/friend pickup scenario, you have the chance to make the invisible about yourself visible and thereby better control who may show interest in it – she helps guide your writing to better engage the people reading your profile and guide them towards your better qualities. It’s important to state that she won’t rewrite your profile for you or send messages on your behalf – she’s teaching you to fish here. In my case, she didn’t suggest major changes so much as fine adjustments to make sure my profile wasn’t too much about deflection and humor and instead offered chances for the people reading to include themselves, thereby helping to open conversations. In the case of my roommate, a veteran of the inappropriate-photo-strewn battleground that is online dating for women, engaging in a hilarious conversation about what she was really looking for in her dates helped them to identify many places where subtle changes in language, picture selection, and overall voice could help to engage the sort of boys men she’s looking to meet.
Legally speaking, I can’t promise that paying Christine to help you out with your profile will get you laid. I can, however, guarantee that it will be a far better time than the usual round of Netflix and quickmatch.
Are you curious about online dating but don’t know where to start?
Are you currently online dating but not getting the best results?
Let us help you navigate the minefield. Artful Online Dating is a top-notch online-dating consulting service based in Williamsburg. Artful Online Dating is committed to helping fellow Brooklynites go after what they want, be it companionship, adventure, love, lust… Our personal, responsive services will show you the mistakes you didn’t even know you’ve been making.
The services are affordable, effective, and (we promise) fun.
For Greenpointers readers, we’re happy to offer a FREE “Quick Fix” profile upgrade for the first 10 people to email [email protected]. Mention “Greenpointers” and claim your freebie.