The organizers of the 2017 Greenpoint Film Festival want to see if your creativity is worth inserting into their repertoire next year. So if you’ve made a film between January 2015 and January 2017, it’s eligible for entry.

It costs 85 bucks to enter, whether you get accepted or not. So what can you do to increase your chances?


If you know your film is bad, you can just enter it into the avant-garde award category.

Sorrow with Pity

Kidding aside, let’s talk real strategy: There’s a saying among lawyers: “Good lawyers know the law. Great lawyers know the judge.”


So upon Googling this year’s film selection jury and intern crew, we find some honey-pot strategies to seduce them with a film that they might actually accept.

And since none of these people asked for their names to be sung from the hilltops, we use an avatar composite. Meet Ariel Aeuteur.

Maria Montez in “Cobra Woman”

She was into Maria Montez before Maria Montez was cool.

She’s into steel workers, and weather disasters in the South.

She actually likes theater people, especially the crowd that gathers for summer stock in Schenectady.

But dim the lights and she’ll be looking for a projector to pump out some seriously choice murder, sadism and sedition.

All those details are actually off the jurists’ bios and social media, but throw that all away.

Because nobody knows nothin’. I say just find the decision-makers’ own actual movies online and say, can I compete with this?

Because that’s really all it takes.

Here‘s a full list of entry rules along with an online application. The deadline is January 30th, so if you haven’t already, you better get shootin’.

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