Oh hey Millennials,

I hope you’re reading this on your phones because that’s like what you guys do all day, right? Aside from TINDERING like 24/7.  I, too, am a tech-obsessed millennial, it’s true. I mean, I’m taking a #selfie right now! JK LOL #sorrynotsorry. I watch GIRLS and invent apps and throw around the term Basic Bitch like it’s no big deal. What’s Sex in the City?? I’m too young to even get that reference.

HELP! The Millennials are Coming!! Says 60 Minutes circa 2008

Anyway, seeing as how Business Insider is our go-to publication for dating advice and  foodie culture and like, political strategy (?), I guess you’ll be joining me now in Greenpoint #blessed, seeing as it’s the number 1 place for millennials to live in all of AMERICA.  No one knows if we’re 10-29 or 20-34, but age is just a number, right? Greenpoint is #winning because there are like, a ton of other young people and coffee shops, which is awesome because people older than 34 weren’t in high school in the 90’s, so they totally don’t get irony. Good thing there are only a few of them here in Greenpoint.

Business Insider says that G-Point is “slightly safer and cheaper than neighboring Williamsburg.” But only slightly! JKJKJKJKJK But actually, it’s not that cheap. Yeah, you have to get a job to live here, even if you’re a recent college grad #UGH. They say median rent is $1,157, but that’s kind of an underestimate (um, just look on Craigslist or tumblr #theworstroom #tbt #obsessed). I mean, unless you share a room with your boyfriend in an apartment with 2+ other roommates and you all use one tiny ass bathroom with no tub, which is what I do. #stillblessed

Also Business Insider incorrectly stated that the median income for Greenpoint is $31,703, but that’s actually the number for all of NYC.  They clearly don’t have a millennial working on their millennial-themed stories ’cause they totes would have caught that error? The household median income in Greenpoint is actually $62,470, which seems kind of high, right? It’s about 10k higher than the National Average.  But I dunno much about finance, which is weird since I read Business Insider so much.


See you around.  For brunch??? xoxoxoxoxox




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  1. Wow, this is such a great critique of the Millennial disposition coming from a website that seems to devote more attention to recipes and composting than… I don’t know–the things that actually happen in Greenpoint on a cultural level. While you’re busy insulting the intelligence of those who are clearly so much younger and less worldly than yourself, do you, in your aged wisdom, ever find yourself questioning how disgusting it is that you and your yuppie cohorts let your canine surrogate children defecate all over our streets? Do you think about the sheer economic stupidity of paying $12+ for an artisanal sub at No. 7 Sub Shop when you could get the exact same thing with bigger portions at the bodega on the corner for $6? No, because you are just as vain, short-sighted, and aesthetically preoccupied with “authenticity” as the generations above and below you. Next time you feel like talking down to somebody out of fear that–GASP–a new batch of transplants will show up to render you obsolete, question how much of contribution you make to the community besides sarcasm, snark, and a superficial understanding of people growing up in the world you helped create.

    1. This post is actually mocking the way that the mainstream media portrays millennials as phone addicted, tweeting, selfish, spoiled young people. If you didn’t get the sarcasm, then you didn’t see the intention.

      Composting and recipes have nothing to do with millennials. If you want to complain about that, sure! But it’s not relevant to this post. You can join DieHipster and complain about being eco friendly all you want.

    2. Sarah, it would serve you to look up the meaning of “tongue in cheek.” Also, when, in defense of millennials, you attack the age & lifestyle of the author, it would also help to notice the author mentions they are a millennial in the first paragraph. How did this article go so far over your head that you are this riled? Tsk tsk.

    3. Not sure why Sarah is reading and commenting if she dislikes what is written on this site. It seems to me that Sarah does not regularly read this site, and therefore shouldn’t base her accusations on a site she has only skimmed through (or only looked at the first page).

      Also, the middle aged woman with her Yorkshire Terrier from down my street does clean up when her dog shits in front of my house. Unfortunately, she is constantly smearing it across the sidewalk. Seems as though our “yuppie cohorts” aren’t the only ones in need of a CURB YOUR DOG how-to. Oh, and those bodegas? The ones that never have prices on anything? The last couple of times I entered a bodega for anything other than use of their ATM, I was prompted to pay $20 for a six pack of Bud and $12 for a pint of ice cream. Talk about “sheer economic stupidity.”

      And no, this has to do with the millennial generation.

  2. TMS; DR

    Non-Millennial translation – Too Much Snark; Didn’t Read

  3. I’m not sure what was more unnecessary–the not-at-all-funny “satire” that muddled any meaningful discussion or analysis of the Business Insider article, or the reflexive hand-wringing over 12-dollar subs and yuppies.

  4. I wish the millennial in my building would respect my child’s right not to breath in second hand pot fumes, but hey, I am just being old and cranky. How she can afford the rent and all that pot is beyond me. Daddy must pay, and yes she has a dog, who must be smoking pot second hand as well. Not ironic or cool, just spoiled and not so very bright or worldly.

    1. I so agree with you!! I have met some very nice young people who have moved here but, unfortunately, the vast majority are little nit wits who think the world revolves around them!

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