This is an introductory post to a new (we hope) weekly series on pickup lines: the good/bad, the successful/fail and the smooth/cheesy. Feel free to try them out yourself Greenpoint!
I was walking through Met Foods, which on any given day is a pretty depressing place; the lights, the dust and the way the toilet paper is placed with the cereal. Not to mention New Year’s Eve day, it’s filled with procrastinators, people like me, who stand in the dairy section pleading with the stocking guy that there can’t be absolutely NO more mascarpone. I don’t even know what mascarpone is but I was hell bent on that man rustling some up out of thin air.
I was going to a potluck and doing right by new year’s resolution to get a little more “domestic” ie. download the food network app and watch Diners Drive Ins and Dives for hours on end. I was determined to recreate these Chocolate Toffee Mascarpone bars that I watched that Italian lady with the name I can’t pronounce make. Anyway, quitting was not an option.
Just as I was about to grab a package of Pillsbury ready to bake and call it a day I saw a dreamboat stroll by. Literally…A….DREAM…..BOAT. He was French or Italian or something, I don’t even know. But I swear it seemed like the halogen lights dimmed a little and Kenny G came out of the refrigerator right there in aisle seven. And in an instant he was gone. Like a CraigsList “missed connections”, creepy and cute all at once. But seriously, how do you meet people? How do you approach a complete stranger without being exiled from your neighborhood grocery and pegged the “Produce Prostitute”?
So, I asked some friends at dinner about memorable pick up lines they have either used or endured. Most responses were, “I was too drunk to remember” or about some line that was used on them. So where are these ballsy people? What are they saying and where are they saying them? I took to the streets and asked some Greenpointers for their stories.
Location: GrapePoint Wines
The Line: “You’ve got the spice of Pinot Noir and the elegance of Champagne”
Response: (eyebrow raise)
Location: No Name Bar
Girl- (spots rudimentary “to do” list tattoo on my arm) “hey what’s on your list?”
Anonymous Guy- “Nothing today, keeping things open.”
Girl- grabs pen from bag, engraves “ANNE” on my arm. “You should finish your beer and just do this.” Points to her overly punctuated name.
Anonymous Guy: “Well hi Anne, love your forward font….”
Location: Nights and Weekends
The Line: Jaclyn asks bartender if they take credit cards.
Lone man across the bar: “They only take galleon, sickle and knuts here.” Man moves seats and proceeds to discuss every wizarding currency.
Jackie: “I appreciate the Harry Potter reference.”
The Line: “If you were a taser, you’d be set on stunning.”
Response: “Go fuck yourself.”
Location: Nights & Weekends
The Line: “Hey, want one of my chicken wings?!”