It’s come to my attention this weekend while having coffee on the corner of North 6th & Bedford that there is a serious need for a new organization. I’m toying with creating W.A.H. – Williamsburg Against Hipsters. It wouldn’t be a hate group, it would be more designed to help rid the people most in danger of being ridiculed and pointed out as (gasp!) a hipster.
First and foremost it seems local hipsters have begun losing the glass in their eyeglasses. Have you seen this phenomenon? Apparently these folks have perfect vision but still feel the need to wear glasses. As creator of W.A.H. I would remind these folks to be grateful for their perfect eyesight and appeal to their charitable nature suggesting they donate those frames to a worthy cause. Perhaps steer them to one of the many street vendors along Bedford Ave providing affordable and chic sunglasses. At least those would have a purpose.
Secondly, it seems many of the women in Williamsburg have lost their pants! A good rule of thumb is if I can see your pubic hair when you raise your arm more than six inches, your “dress” is too short. On the weekends, W.A.H. volunteers would be stationed outside the Bedford L train as well as McCarren Pool Parties to give out free bottoms to these women who may have possibly simply forgotten their pants in a rush to watch their bearded beau play kickball.
While we’re at it, I believe the need for shoes and boots without holes in them or ones that appear to have been worn walking through the Newtown Creek sewer facility might be in order. Actually now that I think about it, I believe some of these hipsters may be getting their shoes from off the telephone and electric wires throughout the neighborhood. We can’t have that, now can we?
And of course W.A.H. would always have on hand plenty of toiletries such as shampoo and soap, as well as combs and brushes for the hipster who hasn’t the time to shop for such trivialities.
I welcome suggestions on helping rid the Williamsburg landscape of these ‘hipsters’ who are giving the nickname it’s bad reputation.