Die Hipster, originally uploaded by Steccato.

It’s come to my attention this weekend while having coffee on the corner of North 6th & Bedford that there is a serious need for a new organization. I’m toying with creating W.A.H. – Williamsburg Against Hipsters. It wouldn’t be a hate group, it would be more designed to help rid the people most in danger of being ridiculed and pointed out as (gasp!) a hipster.

First and foremost it seems local hipsters have begun losing the glass in their eyeglasses. Have you seen this phenomenon? Apparently these folks have perfect vision but still feel the need to wear glasses. As creator of W.A.H. I would remind these folks to be grateful for their perfect eyesight and appeal to their charitable nature suggesting they donate those frames to a worthy cause. Perhaps steer them to one of the many street vendors along Bedford Ave providing affordable and chic sunglasses. At least those would have a purpose.

Secondly, it seems many of the women in Williamsburg have lost their pants! A good rule of thumb is if I can see your pubic hair when you raise your arm more than six inches, your “dress” is too short. On the weekends, W.A.H. volunteers would be stationed outside the Bedford L train as well as McCarren Pool Parties to give out free bottoms to these women who may have possibly simply forgotten their pants in a rush to watch their bearded beau play kickball.

While we’re at it, I believe the need for shoes and boots without holes in them or ones that appear to have been worn walking through the Newtown Creek sewer facility might be in order. Actually now that I think about it, I believe some of these hipsters may be getting their shoes from off the telephone and electric wires throughout the neighborhood. We can’t have that, now can we?

And of course W.A.H. would always have on hand plenty of toiletries such as shampoo and soap, as well as combs and brushes for the hipster who hasn’t the time to shop for such trivialities.

I welcome suggestions on helping rid the Williamsburg landscape of these ‘hipsters’ who are giving the nickname it’s bad reputation.

Join the Conversation

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  1. Great post. I certainly have seen the folks with the fashion choices that tip all the way into what seems to be hipster parody. Except, that’s not what they’re going for. That being said, I don’t dress like most of those cool hipsters. And a lot of them look really cool. I just wear clothes I like that are comfy enough, (and you know, I’m 25…not that youngster hip-ish.) And it seems that Williamsburg gets a lot of shit, especially from the so-hip-they-transcend-hip crowd. That doesn’t seem fair to me. i LIKE Bedford Ave and the neighborhood. It’s a NICE place. Cool, young people expressing themselves. That’s why I came here. There was none of that where I came from. That being said, I sure am glad I live in Greenpoint. It has more normal-euro feel to it. I guess that a bunch of crazy hip hipsters is what you get when you choose to live in a city with access to actual culture. Great blog. I read it everyday. And I even think of it when I walk around Greenpoint. I love it. Thanks for writing.

  2. Hey Cale Buddy, I happen to have grown up in New York City and have lived here most of my life. I have been immersed in culture my whole life yet do not feel the need to dress like a clown. No need to wear glasses with no frames, barely there tank tops, ironic(ie ugly)clothes or any of these other idiotic things these hipsters where.
    That said I have no problem with anyone for how they dress, frankly most of it makes me just laugh. What I do find annoying is how a lot of these hipsters carry themselves. Besides the holier than thou attitude, they cannot quite grasp that they live in a real city. This isn’t some art show amusement park. You need to be alert. Besides the fact that they disregard their own personal safety in neighbourhoods where you will be robbed or beat up, they actually create hazards to other pedestrians and drivers alike. If I had a dollar for each time I saw some dopey hipster not look while crossing the street, well you know the rest.

    The fact is, anti hipster sentiment is real and generally for good reason. Personally I find this post really funny as well.

  3. The world would be boring if everyone dressed “normal”. And don’t forget the chuckles that come from seeing a grown man wear graffiti splashed neon spandex bike pants. It’s amusing. They’ll grow out of it – let them find themselves and have fun while doing it.

  4. Well put anonymous. I agree completely. The one thing that I cannot seem to wrap my head around is the bikes with no brakes. That’s a bad idea on a flat road in the middle of nowhere. But in ANY city? Holy shit. That is something I see everyday that kills me. One day a hipster will meet a grisly end on a bike with no brakes. Yikes.

  5. I am in my 30s and was a teenager in the 80s. Nothing has been more horrifying than seeing the worst of the 80s reproduced on the streets in Brooklyn. Among the most vomit-worthy items are white framed bug eye sunglasses and mustard yellow *anything*. They can have their “fashion”, it will look stupid eventually the way the actual 80s look now.

  6. I shudder when I think of mustard yellow. Or hunter green. Or burgundy wine. God, we loved those color in the late 80’s/early 90’s.

    I have to admit though, a lot of these girls look pretty cute in their unique outfits. I’m a big fan of most of what ‘hipster’ girls wear since they use a lot of vintage in their looks.

    The guys in the skin tight womens jeans however… not so much!

  7. Borrowing the ugliest, most cringe worthy clothing from other decades isn’t really being that unique when all your other buddies do the same. People can dress however they want, I have to admit I have actually burst out laughing on the Bedford Ave L platform. Pure comedy. Pure comedy.

  8. I have to say I am blown away by some of the accurasy (i know i spelt that wrong) of the 80’s dressers. Yes, many of them wear the clothes that the “cool” would have NEVER worn in the 80s but many have obviously done their homework. I put it into this context. I was a teeneager growing up in NYC in the 80s i was able to go to the clubs etc..but i wore clothes from the 60’s, its the 20 year rule. I was accurate too! I liked to dress like Katie Douglas from My 3 Sons who definitely was not cool! but the difference was I was street smart and didn’t cloister myself as many of the “hipsters” do now because I feel, they grew up not having to deal with other people. There is something very cold about them. They own the world. We didnt want to own the world. I guess that was the punk influence.

    and yeah the guys are really gross and unattractive. give me a real man!!!

    anyway i laughed my ass off, brilliant post!

  9. Just for fun, replace the word ‘hipster’ in any of these comments with ‘hippie.’

    Woo boy! I think some folks need to get buzz cuts, smoking jackets and pipes and start bitching about young kids getting off their lawns. “These hipsters, today, with their hair and their clothes and their smells!” Et cetera.

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