The Greenpoint Pickup

I’ve been noticing a serious lack of ladies divulging any of their own pick up line blunders and/or successes. So ladies let me give you a few tips on how NOT to pick up a dude.

1.        Do NOT go out with your brother. Men automatically assume he’s either your brother or your boyfriend and label you as “off limits”.. at least this how you can justify males’ lack of interest each night while wondering if your vagina might one day shrivel up and decay.
2.     Do NOT go up to the hot bartender and ask what the best drink is on the menu and then proceed to buy an entire pitcher of it. Also refrain from pouring him a glass and awkwardly lingering.
3.      Definitely do NOT tip said bartender 20 dollars. This is just completely unnecessary and you will wake up in the morning wondering why the fuck you did that!
4.     Do NOT start writing your number sloppily on a napkin that starts to rip as you’re writing. This will then make him feel obligated to find you something else to write on – shit is NOT cute.
5.    Definitely do NOT walk up later to find your number still sitting in the same place you left it, point to it and say “You should DEFINITELY call this number”. PLEASE whatever you do DO NOT DO THAT.

Here are a few of this week’s pick up lines:

Name: Rachel
Location: Matchless
(friend of a friend has been annoyingly trying to get my attention all night, totally avoiding him)
Line: “Soooo.. I bet you are REALLY good in bed.”
Response: “I am.” (walks away)

Name: Meddy
Me: “So can I use your pick up line story for my blog?”
Anonymous: “Only if I can take you for a drink.”
Me: “Clever.”

Name: Victoria
Location: Coffee Shop
(Totally random man goes to touch my nose to which I duck out of the way so he cannot.)
Line: “Hey I really like your nose…What type of white are you?”
Response: “Uhhh.. my ethnicity? Im Russian/English.. what type of black are you?” (man was black).
Man: “The only kind that matters.”

Name: Sarah
Location: Unknown
(Im waitressing and a guy is sitting with a bunch of girls when I come over to take their order)
Line: “Hey, I know you, we definitely met before.. how do I know you?”
Me: “Well I work here”
Man: “Ohhh yeahhh. That’s it… yeah, you gave me your number last time I was here but I lost it. Can I get it back?”
Response: I looked at his girlfriends “Your boy here needs to learn a few lines.”