valdiano

I MAKE-A DA PIZZA, I POUR-A DA COKE

After the Greenpointers Pizza Tour, Danny Lobell wrote this hilarious story for the Gazette, about Valdiano, the pizza tour champion! With permission I repost the article:

I MAKE-A DA PIZZA, I POUR-A DA COKE

Feb 08, 2012 by Danny Lobell A Local Pizza Tale in Four Acts

ACT ONE- HUNGRY FOR PIZZA

It’s a cold December night, and I’m on my way to meet my girlfriend at the Gazette office when my phone rings. “Hello?” “Come meet me at this pizza place Valdiano for a slice instead,” she says. I love pizza, so without hesitation, I agree.

ACT TWO- ENTER THE SHOP

It’s so good to get out of the cold. My face stings from being frozen and my fingers are going numb. I enter the pizzeria and immediately feel myself defrosting. We order the two slices, a hot coffee, and we sit down.

ACT THREE- THE PIZZA IS GOOD

I take a bite. Holy crap, this is good pizza! My girlfriend says it’s her second time at Valdiano that day. She had to get another slice and show me how good it was before the day was through.

“You should really do an article on this place for the Gazette,” I told her. (My girlfriend Kylie writes for this very paper.).

“No, it has to be news for me to write about it,” she says.

With this said, the pizza man, Mr. Valdiano, steps in.

“I heard everything, she don wanna to write-a da article cause-a is no a news. It is-a news.”

“What’s the angle for the story?” we ask.

“Story is-a da girl hungry for-a da slice pizza. Itz-a cold. She come-a into Valdiano, she-have-a da best-a slice ever. She tell-a her boyfriend, he comes to Valdiano, he love-a da pizza too. Dey both love-a da pizza. Datz-a story.”

“Well Kylie, what do you think?” I ask. “You’re the journalism major.”

Kylie replies, “Gotta pass, sorry.”

“Sorry,” I tell him. “The pizza was great though.”

ACT FOUR- BACK FOR MORE

I return to Valdiano a few weeks later, this time on my own. I’m instantly recognized.

“Hey, the guy with-a da girl from-a da paper,” Mr. Valdiano says.

“Hey, can I get a slice?” I ask.

Mr. V: “Sure.”

Me: “How’s life?”

Mr. V: “You know, same-a story, differen day.”

Me: “That can’t be true.”

Mr. V: “Whadd-you say da can’t be true, it isza true.”

Me: “Every day is different. It’s not the same story at all.”

Mr. V: “Whadda hell you know bout me, every day da same, I make-a da pizza, I pour-a da Coke, I make-a da pizza, I pour-a da Coke. Was differen about dat?!!”

Me: “What about outside of work, what about your personal life?”

Mr. V: “You godda lotza nerves!! Why-a da hell imma gonna tell you bout-a my personal life?!!!!! Das nodda your business.”

Me: “I’m not asking you to tell me anything about your personal life. I’m just trying to make a point that your life isn’t nearly as boring as you’re making it sound and the saying “same story, different day” can’t really be true. So much happens in life every day that it’s virtually impossible for the story not to change.”

Mr. V (pauses, laughs a little and then replies): “Ok, I admit, you gotta-a da goodpoint, from now on imma say differen day, differen story… And maybe next time-a you come back an order more dan-a one slice an den we have-a
da very differn story too.”

Danny: (Laughs) Thanks for the slice. See you next time.

END.

P.S. Get a slice at Valdiano. There is always a different story there, but more importantly the pizza is great and it’s a staple to the neighborhood.

Join me next time for more Greenpoint adventures.

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GREENPOINTERS PIZZA TOUR 2011

The trauma of 19 espressos on the Greenpointers Espresso Tour didn’t stop us from touring the neighborhood for the best slice of pizza. As a pizzeria, your regular slice is your best and only business card. Get that right, then add your fancy toppings. We identified 12 pizzerias in the 11222 area code that served pizza by the slice. Two were closed on Sunday (Baldo’s & L.A. Convenience), which were automatic disqualifications.

The three judges were Brooks, AKA the Pizza Commander (left), Greenpointers’ writer Peter (right), and myself. We ordered one slice cut into three pieces and used a scoresheet adapted from American Pizza Championship, which accounted for appearance and taste. Each slice had the potential of scoring 225 points after we added our individual totals.

2011 GREENPOINTERS PIZZA TOUR RESULTS

 

*** 1st PLACE: VALDIANO ***

Top Score: 166.5

2nd Place: Franklin Pizza (161.5)

3rd Place: Triangolo: (157.5) 

Other Awards:

Best Music: Valdiano

Best Service: Vinnie’s

Best Bribe: Grandma Rose’s (giant plate of zeppoles)

Best Place to Watch Soccer: Italy Pizza

Best Pizza Cat and Pizza Window: Carmine’s Original

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