I quit my job specifically to have more time to create ridiculous bird videos! This pigeon puts on a bling bread necklace in this video I shot in Winthrop (McGolrick) Park in Greenpoint. This is what unemployment is all about!
Have you ever had one of those mornings you wake up and actually cringe at the thought of your previous evening? I like to keep these mornings few and far between. When they do show up, though, it’s nice to think about all the other worst-case scenarios that offer the friendly reminder, “well at least I’m not that guy.”
Recently, I heard a story about a fellow Greenpointer that has become a comfort on any mortifying morning I might awake to. As a writer, I consider it my civic duty to impart this story upon you.
This article made possibly by a donation to our Writer’s Fund by The Skint.
First dates are tough, its your one shot at convincing another person, temporarily at least, that your nails always look this manicured, your jokes are always this funny and anytime you ever say, “I’m going to the bathroom,” what you’re really saying is, “I only pee and I have never taken a shit in my entire life.” Continue reading
We are getting pumped for Greenpointers Comedy Night which is TONIGHT – Tuesday March, 12th, 8pm at Saint Vitus (1120 Manhattan Ave). We hope you can make it! RSVP
$5 buck at door. 100% pays the comics!
Plus, Saint Vitus is donating $1 from every drink that night to the Writer’s Fund!
Hosted by Kerryn Feehan
Nimesh Patel
The Lucas Bros
Anthony DeVito
Michelle Wolf
Hadiyah Robinson
Justy Dodge
This article made possible by a donation to the Writer’s Fund by Black Rabbit Bar.
The deal breaker. Whether you have been dating for one week or one year the definition of a deal breaker varies from person to person. For some, it may be that moment when he/she farted on your first sleepover, others it may be the ultimate intolerance of perpetual halitosis or, according to urban dictionary, “The act of firmly yet romantically cramming your entire fist into your significant others cornhole… a distant cousin of the shocker.” No matter the specifics, a deal breaker is a deal breaker and its up to each individual to decide what they can live with and what they can live without.
Here are a few of mine:
1. Getting Lanced:
My boss was sick of me having nothing to contribute to Monday morning dating debriefs so she took it upon herself to set me up with her friend – after our date he said he was headed out on a bike trip for a week out west and asked if we could get together when he got back. The next day I received a heartbreaking picture message – him in full on Lance gear…padded bike spandies, helmet, fingerless gloves…I’m now suspicious he doesn’t have any testis either.
2. Bad Texter:
A friend of mine took me to an amazing art exhibit on the opening night at Milk Studios. The artist was an attractive Frenchman who was acquaintances with said friend. A few days later, the artist had asked about me and he wisely slipped him my number. I guess the trouble started when his message contained 5 smiley faces in a two sentence exchange.. and continually referring to me as “Merry”… REPEATEDLY in each message even after correcting him – “Oh, my name is MEDDY.” Nonetheless I moved forward and we decided on a date…until 4am I received the below message (mind you this IS abbreviated):
“Thank you Merry (smiley face) Indeed. lot of things are happening in the same time. and keep happening..very interesting. means a lot. amazing signs. timing being a sign as well, or interpreted as one, if you need a sign (winky face)! ….do I need signs ? sure always, ying yang confidence and doubts…signs, no ? sorry. strong green.. lol…ok i ll keep it !(smiley face) hum. seriously…. for tomorrow…i was thinking… you already attended my show… enough it s too much on me…no? (smiley face) yes…i feel it that way…i totally forgot that talk… finally and overall i would have a great excuse to live right after the talk…”
3. The Bed Wetter:
It’s funny how an old flame can draw you in even after so many years. For me, it was the college jock. Of all the potentials in my life, I’d say I gave this one (hands down the least deserving) the most time of day. Why you ask? I have no idea. He was a soccer player and I’d had a crush on him since sophomore year. After years of back and forth flirtations we finally met up after college. Naturally, I thought it was going to be monumental–Oh how wrong I was. In the middle of the night I felt something seep through the sheets… “F#*&!!!!!!! You’re pissing!” I then received the response of “No, I’m not–go back to bed”. In retrospect, it wasn’t the piss that bothered me as much as his mortification-turned-dick-headedness. He pointed me to the next cab and I was out the door. Deal breaker.
Please share your deal breakers in the comments section.
While on a walk in South Williamsburg I saw this amazing Egyptian Ronald McDonald wheat paste by Wizard Skull. Of course I instagrammed it and Wizard Skull sent me more twisted and disturbing Ronald McDonald drawings. The genius doesn’t stop there, as you can see with Freddy Kreuger as Skeletor and Abe Lincoln with a Rick Ross tattoo. Follow @wizardskull
This article made possible by a donation to the Writer’s Fund by Raised By Wolves.
For some reason Valentine’s Day makes everything awkward – the flowers, the chocolate, the “any plans later?” question that becomes impossible to avoid. Somehow plans which on any other given day would be totally normal now insinuate that of all the things I could be doing and all the people I could be seeing I have chosen to spend this one day of love with you and therefore — don’t fuck it up. Single or taken some of you may have met your demise while others may be nursing a chocolate undies hangover.
That being said, here are a few lines from the people still fighting the good fight:
Name: Jerid
Location: Grumpy’s
(Attractive girl walks in and orders an espresso, barista asks single or a double she answers single)
Jerid: “So now that we’ve had coffee when can we do dinner?”
Name: Maggie
Location: The Gutter
Line: “Hey someone farted, lets get out of here…”
Response: “Ew.. Really?”
Name: Jenna
Location: Lulu’s
Line: “Hi. The voices in my head told me to come talk to you.”
Response: “Sorry?”
Name: Ivan
Location: Manhattan Inn
Line: “Excuse me, this will only take a minute… I just need a woman’s perspective on something.”
Response: (next morning) “Milk with your coffee?”
Have you ever noticed how many banks we have to choose from in our little downtown area of Greenpoint, Brooklyn? South of Greenpoint Avenue, on Manhattan Avenue, our banking options seem limitless: HSBC, Citibank, Bank of America, Dime, Capital One, Chase, Apple, and now, TD Bank.
For the average non-homeowner with a steady paycheck the levels in service don’t differ much from the green bank to the red bank. For homeowners, it’s usually a matter of a quarter percentage savings on the interest of their mortgage. Options are good, but I don’t think that they need to take up so much physical space from the downtown centers of New York City neighborhoods. It’s not like my account is physically there; most banking is done online. And let’s face it, banks are basically big empty spaces used as a public relation tool by an industry that can more easily afford centralized real estate than anyone else. And they are in need of public relations.
I know you hate the newest ugly condo building in the neighborhood, me too, they’re ugly and already falling apart, but this outdoor mall of banks isn’t any better. Continue reading
Commuting.
I’d say when I’m not balls deep in “This American Life” or one of the million books I start but rarely finish, I am primarily people watching – MAN watching to be exact. Call me shallow but I’d say my train car of choice is heavily influenced by how many attractive men are riding in it. There is a strict “look but don’t speak” policy on the subway therefore, picking someone up while commuting is either one of two things – highly admirable or highly creepy. So the day I was approached on the G train I was suspicious yet intrigued.
My absolute favorite citywide and now multi-city and multi-country event is happening on Sunday January 13th, 2012: Improv Everywhere’s No Pants Subway Ride! As in riders take off their pants while riding public transportation and the priceless reactions of straphangers are recorded for the utter enjoyment of me! Genius.
I wonder if the G train will get any no pants action this weekend?
