advice column

UGH Work Stress– Ask a Therapist!

Sorry, but this terrible stock photo was too amazing not to use.

Q: Dear Daniel,

What is the best way to deal with work stress?

A: Dealing with work stress can feel totally overwhelming and all encompassing at its worse. First off, it’s critical to be mindful that your work or your career are a component of your life, albeit an important one….you are not your work and your work should not define you. Of course this is easier said than done. I encourage you to take a step back and define the stress you are experiencing rather than having it all jumbled up as “work stress” or “I hate my job.” Often enough, it is your relationship to your job or relationships at your job that feel the most overwhelming and burdensome. Continue reading

Category: Wellness | Tags: , , , , , , , , | 0 Comments

“Put away your phones and devices and have real experiences. Be with people.” – Daniel Selling of Williamsburg Therapy Group

Daniel Selling / Director Williamsburg Therapy Group

While sitting on a surprisingly comfy modern sofa inside a patient suite at Williamsburg Therapy Group, I enjoyed a tranquil view of a quiet stretch of Grand St obscured by tropical plants in neatly arranged terra cotta pots. I noticed stacks of books on the window sill with titles that referred to the psychology of African American families, Racial Oppression and the US Prison System – not the population of patients I imagined served by this practice. Continue reading

Category: Culture | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 0 Comments

How Do I Stop Worrying About My Girlfriend’s Ex? El Padre Answers

Dear El Padre, 

I am absolutely in love with my girlfriend of two years and our relationship is incredible with one exception, her ex-boyfriend. Currently she communicates with her ex-boyfriend but more importantly she also works with him.  While I am completely confident that she is faithful, I know his intentions are not so innocent.  I know he has approached her on multiple occasions which makes me feel extremely uncomfortable.  I’ve tried to discuss this once or twice but it sometimes only results into an argument. What should I do?  I know the more I worry or get irritated, the more damage it does. But in the end it still does bother me. Is it me? Or is it the situation?

Dear Ex-Trouble,

Worry and fear are not terribly helpful, but if you feel your concerns are based in some reality, perhaps you might attempt the conversation again with your girlfriend.  I would suggest emphasizing that you do not think she has done anything wrong and that this may only be a concern of yours.

Continue reading

Category: Culture | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , | 0 Comments

Are you in love? El Padre Answers

Dear El Padre, 

My boyfriend says I am “the one”, even though we have only dated for a few months… and I hardly see him, once a week usually, because of his work. When I think about it, I don’t feel I am in love with him… and now I question if I even know what love is. My parents were not big on saying “I love you”. And now I question if I loved them… Do I know what love even is… Although based on all I did for them before they passed away (took care of them at home and got a caregiver while I was at work… took care of them after she left and on weekends), I guess I did love them. I guess my question is: will I know when I finally do love my boyfriend? How will I know?

Dear What-Is-Love,

Love is, above all, pretty mysterious. One look at the Wikipedia page, and it’s pretty easy to see that the nature and definition of love is something people have discussed for centuries. You can ponder all this, but if I were you, I’d focus a little more on the here and now. . Continue reading

Category: Culture | Tags: , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Is a Sexless Relation a Deal Breaker? El Padre Answers

Question:

I am very in love with my girlfriend of 3 years, but about a years ago her sexual energy plateaued and now I’m lucky if we have sex even once per month. Should I break up with her even though that is my only issue with her? Last time I mentioned her change it resulted in a large fight and her feeling getting upset.

Dear Only-Once-A-Month,

Before you break up with your girlfriend, here are some things to consider. First, it’s totally understandable that mentioning the change in your sex life resulted in a fight. She most likely has a myriad of feelings about the situation. Sex can be a barometer of the overall health of a relationship. But the good news is that with improved communication situations like this can definitely change. Continue reading

Category: Culture | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Ask El Padre: Displaced Disciple

Question: What do you do when you have very deep roots within a church that you love and sacrifice for, and then in comes a new honcho who stops ALL ACTIVITIES within the church and Parish. The Parish was finally in a good place, someplace it had not been in awhile and wham, torn to pieces again. Do you look for a new Parish or do you keep fighting those in charge?

Dear Displaced Disciple,

It sounds like you’re going through some difficult changes in your local church. Who knows, you could be describing my church. Over the time that I’ve served the Greenpoint Reformed Church, lots of changes have occurred. I’m sure that some of these were greeted with joy and others…well, I know that some folks aren’t so thrilled with the changes that have been made.

Houses of worship, especially in a city as vibrant as ours, are constantly changing. Continue reading

Category: Culture | Tags: , , , , , , , , | 0 Comments

You Got Problems? Ask El Padre (Advice Column!)

You might know her as Pastor Ann Kansfield from Greenpoint Reformed Church but on Greenpointers she is known as “El Padre” and is ready to give her expert advice on life, love and God.

Anything goes, there is no question too weird or out there.

Still wetting the bed at thirty? Wondering if your girlfriend is gay? Is your dog an atheist? Do you have a real problem?

Just ask!

Category: Culture | Tags: , , , | 1 Comment